I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
