speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
