im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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