This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
