Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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