id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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