wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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