We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
