I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
