I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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