oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
