We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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