My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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