Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
