Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
