my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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