Well douche your snatch and let's go!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was confusing and full of hummus
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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