no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is an emotional support booty call
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
