whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
