Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
