i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
