ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
