he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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