What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
