farters have to be the big spoon...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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