Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
