UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want her autograph on my taint
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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