just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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