I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do vagina's smell?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
