Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
