so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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