i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
