Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soap is not a condiment
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
