No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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