Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
