The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
