Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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