Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize