I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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