FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
