Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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