She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
