A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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