Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
