Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
