She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
