My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
