sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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