My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
