does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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