i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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