Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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