is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
