I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
