covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
