11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
