He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
