just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
