I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
