My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
