Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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