I puked a lego.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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