6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
