I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like a drive thru vagina
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
