do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
