Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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