Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
