I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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