to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
