last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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