1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk