i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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