Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
