Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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