hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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