This girl is more easily done than said...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
