i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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