I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
