I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize