I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
