I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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